Why Yes, I Am The Fun Nun
#1
The church was cold and dark as it was still early. There was only the flickers of candles and the soft music of snoring. In one of the pews was strewn out Kitty, her coif had slipped to the side letting red hair spill about her face and an empty bottle dangled between her fingers.

She hadn't gotten drunk, not really. But when she had to spend an entire night keeping the place clean, the candles lit, and saying prayers and learning holy teachings and what nots, it really helped to have a little fire in the belly.

She certainly had not meant to fall asleep there, like that. Merely wanting to rest her eyes, she found the pews were far more comfortable than they appeared. So that was how she ended up spending the night and would be found in the morning.
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#2
It was still early, but George wanted to pray his daily Mass quickly and have it over with. He intended to call upon a few people in town today and find better company than the old parish priest who had barely acknowledged him when he had arrived last night. The Presbytery was connected to the sacristy of the church, and George was just making his way from there to one of the side altars, carrying the chalice and other things to prepare for his mass, when he spotted the woman and stopped in his track.

He had been told there was a novice he had to keep an eye on, since the older priest was failing to do so, as he probably failed at most things. But George had not expected to find her sleeping out her hangover in a church. He turned bright red and put the chalice down on a side altar, before striding over to the sleeping woman. "This is not to be borne! This is sacrilege! You could get excommunicated for this!" He wasn't sure if that was true, but it didn't matter. He liked using that threat.
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#3
Kitty winced at the yelling and sat up, carefully tucking her hair back into place with one hand and rubbing her tired eyes with another.

"For what? Sleeping in church? I spent all night cleaning and praying. I reckon Jesus is proud of me for working so hard." She stood and stretched hearing a bit of a crack and winced, curling up her leg before standing straight.

She sighed and bowed though to try to be polite since he was over her and supposed to help teach her. "Sorry, I was tired but I did work hard. I'm sure a priest has fallen asleep once or twice." She gave a small yawn and looked up at him before striding over and held out her hand. "Kitty Calamity. Hoping to be Sister Kitty... or would it be Sister Calamity?" She tilted her head in thought. "Or Sister Kitty Calamity..."
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#4
George stood there dumbfounded. The novice was too free in every way. How on earth could any congregation allow such a woman to enter the novitiate? He understood why she was here now, though. George was certain the congregation already wanted to get rid of her. George never took her hand. "Calamity indeed." he muttered "What about that bottle, sister Catherine?"
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#5
Kitty looked sheepish at the bottle but didn't try to hide it. "It's cold in the church and it kept me in good spirits while I worked here all on my lonesome."

She could recognize he wasn't easy going and this had to be fixed but all she could do was apologize and be honest. "Look, sir..er.. father. I know I'm as rough around the edges as ya can get, but I really do want this. I want ta give my life to God , I feel like my life is leadin me this way. I want you to guide me the right way. I might just... stumble a bit along the way." She put her hands over her heart. "But as long as my intention and heart are in the right direction, that's all that matters right ?"
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#6
If George would have believed in God, this might actually have been moving. Instead, his lip turned up in disgust at her sentimental talk. "I can tell you've been hanging around protestants, sister." He said. "And God doesn't like drunks... and is particularly horrified at women drinking." He reached down and took the bottle. "
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#7
Kitty blinked and perked up frowning as he took her bottle. "Hey, that wasn't enough to get me drunk and where does it say that? " She walked quickly to look in the large bible to find it. "I think I would remember that! Getting drunk, maybe. But I am perdy sure I never read that rule."
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#8
George gave her a look of utter horror. No one ever questioned him. It had been 'yes, father', 'no, father', 'immediately, father' for the last ten years. He slowly turned redder and redder as he became aware of how outrageous this whole situation and the woman's conduct was. "I will write to the mother superior." he said through stiff lips, his eyes coldly observing her. "You seem to barely know your catechesism. It is a mystery to me how they let you enter the novitiate. This is preposterous."
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#9
Kitty looked away awkwardly and tugged at her high collar. "Um... about that. I...didn't quite finish. The sisters there said I was a right bit difficult, ya see. I didn't want to be a problem, I did what they told ms. I was just a bit wild. They said somethin about me being a tad difficult and I might need an extra hand whipping me into shape and see in what the church is really like before I could finish. " 

She perked up and held out a hand to him. "And that's where you come in. If anyone can get me ta be the nun god intended, it's you. Besides, no one else wants to come here."
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#10
George was still disgusted at all she was saying. A wild woman was a dangerous woman. And if she wanted to see what the church was really like, she should have stayed cloistered. What on earth could she learn in a village full of protestant, farming dimwits, ghosts, a lost indian fellow and one crumbling church building? It seemed a paved way to hell to him.

But when she said he was probably the only person who could help her, he had a change of heart. Of course she was but a poor ignorant soul, without all the knowledge and moral character he possessed. Indeed she needed him! "Very well then. From now on, you stay away from all alcohol. And any other form of self-indulgence. It does not suit a life of poverty."
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#11
Kitty gave a huge smile and hugged him but immediately let go and bowed. "Thank you, father. I'm sure you'll mold lil ole me into a perfect nun and everyone will know how capable ya are!"

Her head tilted in thought. She hated not having alcohol. "All alcohol, father? So I don't even get the communion wine?"
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#12
No on hugged George. He turned bright red and pushed her back, holding her by the shoulders. "God have mercy, what is wrong with you!?" He felt weird and let go of her shoulders. "These sisters taught you nothing. You will not touch other people unless necessary. And certainly not affectionately. Not me, not your fellow sisters not anyone. No affection, you hear me!?" It was the first step to 'special friendships'. "And do you not know the first thing about the Eucharist? Who was your catechist?!"
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#13
Kitty pouted and glanced away. "I did stop. It was an accident. I was happy, darn it. "

She put a finger to her lips. "It was Sister Anelise. And she did teach me. " Unfortunately, Sister Anelise was a nun who looked older than the church of England and her mind had been leaving her for some time with a bit of dementia or some other madness starting to set in. 

"She had some interesting ideas..."
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#14
"Watch your tongue." He hissed, and then he added. "In fact, it would be better if you didn't speak at all." Who would want to hear what she had to say anyway. It was listening that she should be doing. "Sit down sister," and he sat down and gestured at the row in front of him. "Do you not know that in the Eucharist the wine, although retaining all the accidents, in substance turns into the most precious blood of our blessed Lord? You must never refer to it as wine, as if you were a protestant. It is your salvation you are talking about."
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#15
Kitty pouted and sat where he indicated. She put her hands neatly folded before her as she stared ahead towards the front and didn't reply to his lesson. He told her not to speak after all. The 'darn' was a slip from a bad habit.
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